Blisspot  Wellbeing

Barry Winbolt

Would you like to be calmer in the face of adversity? Personal resilience gives you the ability to deal with change, challenges, and high demand without being fazed or stopped in your tracks. 

This course shows you the six best ways to boost your resilience and how you can easily adjust your habits to successfully manage stress and pressure. You'll learn about what makes highly resilient people resilient, and the five things you absolutely must avoid to protect yourself. Empower yourself to stay on top of your game.

The Keys to Resilience

Resilience is built on a set of learnable skills. You will have some of these already, and others you can develop when you know how to. The video lectures with supporting exercises will help you identify your strengths, and increase and enhance a whole range of coping strategies.

Resilience stems from your personality, and how you think and act. With this course, you'll learn to take challenges in your stride, engage more productively, and manage your stress from a completely different perspective. 
 

 
About Your Blisspot Expert: 

Barry Winbolt (Psychologist, therapist, Coach, Writer)

 

Barry Winbolt is a solution-focused therapist and personal consultant sharing over 30 years of experience and accumulated knowledge in his online courses and one-to-one sessions.

 

All of Barry’s work is aimed at enabling people to improve personal aspects of their lives and work. He shares insightful information and expert guidance that helps people sort out the things that most trouble them and “get a better handle on life.” 

 
Barry’s strapline “Life doesn’t have to be like that”  is a reminder that—given the right information and guidance—there is always a way to help ourselves. With a problem-solving approach, Barry’s practical courses include lots of actionable advice, encouragement, and the right resources of things you can actually do to make a positive difference in your life.

What is resilience?

Resilience refers to a person's ability to function well in the face of high demand, unwanted change, challenge, or adversity. The more resilient you are, the better able you'll be to deal with pressure. And, if you do finally succumb to the effects of stress, it is your level of resilience which determines how quickly you recover and return to your habitual level of functioning.

Resilience gives the ability to ‘bounce back’ from difficult experiences. To ‘get back on the horse’ after a setback, to wake in the morning with enthusiasm for the day, whatever else is going on in your life.

<h3>Resourceful and proactive</h3>

This doesn’t mean that resilient people don’t have distress or unhappiness in their lives. But it means that they automatically respond in a more resourceful way, proactively, which gives a sense of control and purpose.

Resilience is similar to hardiness in plants. Just as they vary naturally in their ability to flourish in a tough climate or adverse weather conditions, so people differ in how they respond to the situation or circumstances in which they find themselves.

But, whereas plants are stuck with the resilience inherent in their species, people can actually do something about improving their ability to cope and flourish. Resilience is built on a set of acquired skills which can be learned and developed.

This short course will give you some pointers to help you do that. I have provided practical exercises for you to download. Use them to develop the skills of resilience in yourself.

<h3>In this lesson</h3>

This lesson explains what resilience is, why we can all benefit, and how you can train yourself to be more resilient.

Introduction: What is Resilience? (5:11)

Your Learning Guides

You have signed up for this course and it follows that results are important to you. It is designed to be accessible and the information easy to absorb, and it will help you if plan and set a little time aside for each section. I recommend a regular time and place each day or week.

To help you, here are two resources. 'Guidance for Learning' explains ways to help facilitate learning, and 'Your Learning Plan' adds more detailed guidance to help you prepare mentally. 

It may be that your job or lifestyle make a regular routine difficult, but it will pay you to be as consistent as you can. Allow yourself the space and time to think about the content, to focus on the questions and complete the exercises, just as you would with a regular classroom-based course, 

Welcome to the course, enjoy the journey!

Resources: Learning Guides

Introduction

<h2>The Qualities of Resilience</h2>

At work, the ability to adapt and function well in the face of adversity is critical. This is because of how work-related stress, pressure, and high demand can affect our performance and wellbeing. But we must also consider personal events like trauma, loss, relationship breakdown, family difficulties, serious health problems, or money worries.

Your level of resilience is interlinked with all the elements in your life. You might primarily be intending to build your resilience so that you can perform better at work, but any improvements will naturally affect your personal life as well.

This is because, whatever situation we find ourselves in, we inevitably bring the same set of aptitudes, attitudes, and personal characteristics along with us.

It's important to understand that just as negative events can spill over and affect all areas of your life, the benefits of resilience will positively impact how you function generally, and how quickly you recover from an unsettling event, challenge, or setback.

<h2>Enhanced wellbeing</h2>

Improving your resilience can enhance your overall wellbeing. People with higher levels of personal resilience show a number of traits which help them in their work and life. They tend to have:

<ul>
	<li>A positive and realistic view of themselves</li>
	<li>A proactive attitude towards challenge</li>
	<li>The ability to set and achieve their goals</li>
	<li>Perseverance, in the face of setback or rejection</li>
	<li>Good communication and social skills.</li>
</ul>

Workplace research has also shown that people who assess themselves as being resilient report:

<ul>
	<li>Enhanced job satisfaction</li>
	<li>Better decision-making</li>
	<li>Better personal and working relationships</li>
	<li>Improved self-management skills</li>
	<li>Enhanced physical and psychological wellbeing.</li>
</ul>

These benefits are not limited to work, of course. The more resilient you are, the better you will be at coping with life's adversities, whatever their origin.

1. The Qualities of Resilience (14:54)

The Qualities of Resilience

<h2>Resilience is built on learnable skills</h2>

Our behaviour is shaped by a range of factors that influence resilience. These include personality and past experience, as well as the current situation, and our relationships with the people around us.

Some people have qualities that make them more resilient than others. Even the most resilient people must work to maintain their level of resilience. Whatever someone's natural level is, we are all capable of developing our resilience further.

People decide to develop their resilience for all sorts of reasons. The best way to go about it is to think about your attitudes, behaviour, and the support you get from others. Attitudes and behaviours can be nourished, and support put in place. This means that in practical terms there is much we can do to help ourselves and others become more resilient. Developing resilience is a learning process.

<h2>Learning and development</h2>

The factors which influence resilience can be learned and developed. We are all resilient to some degree. More resilient individuals tend to think, act and care for themselves in ways which help protect them from stress. They possess the ability to restore balance and personal productivity in the face of pressure and challenge.

Like the principle of exercising for physical fitness and stamina, resilience is an acquired ability to skilfully manage cycles of stress and recovery. Resilience is sometimes referred to as ‘emotional resilience’. How you manage your outlook, thoughts and feelings are fundamental to developing and maintaining resilience.

Physical stamina is at the top of many people’s agendas these days, but the emotional and psychological aspects are usually left to chance. Unless you are a top-ranking sports-person or athlete you probably haven’t given it much thought.

Resilient people treat life as a process of learning and growth. They learn from successes, from other people, from life itself. Above all, they learn from their failures. This is part of a cycle which also feeds into developing optimism and self-confidence. It provides an immediate ‘silver lining effect’ (the experience, though unpleasant, has value).

Seeing life as a learning process is one of the underpinning factors in boosting resilience, and while even the most proactive attitude can't prevent the bad stuff happening altogether, it can reduce the impact. This is where part of the 'bounce back' factor associated with personal resilience is derived from.

Studies have shown that there are many benefits to adopting a learning attitude. These include:

<ul>
	<li>Better health outcomes</li>
	<li>Improved well-being</li>
	<li>Enhanced creativity and problem-solving</li>
	<li>Protection and recovery from mental health difficulties</li>
	<li>Coping with stressful circumstances.</li>
</ul>

Other benefits include: improvements in self-esteem, optimism, sense of purpose, and social relationships.

2. Learning How to be More Resilient (6:22)

Activity: Your Character Strengths

<h1>Your Resilience Inventory</h1>

This is a shortened version of the Nicholson McBride Resilience Questionnaire (NMRQ). This will give you an idea of how resilient you are. It is not a scientific test (though it has been extensively tested by its authors), but it is a useful starting point as you think about becoming more resilient.

Activity: Your Resilience Inventory

<h1>Flexing your 'social muscles'</h1>

<h5>Stay Socially Connected</h5>

This activity will help you focus on your social connections.

Human beings are social creatures. Social connection is important to us in ways we often don't consider; the effect goes deeper than the warmth we feel when we interact with people we like. Contact with others improves our mental, physical and emotional wellbeing. Even casual contact with strangers (known by psychologists as weak ties)has a positive effect on us. 

We give a lot of thought to improving our physical health through exercise, research now shows that flexing your 'social muscles' also has a beneficial effect.

Activity: Social Connections

Quiz 1

Learning How to be More Resilient

<h1>The Building Blocks of Resilience</h1>

The skills and habits of resilience can be acquired at any point in your life. All you need is the intention, and practice combined with self-awareness. When you are aware of how you think, feel and act, you have started on a course that will help you adapt and flourish.

Building personal resilience focuses on five building blocks:

<h2>A Resilience attitude:</h2>

<ol>
	<li>as a learning process</li>
	<li>outlook</li>
</ol>

<ol>
	<li>proactive mindset</li>
	<li>positive self-image</li>
</ol>

<h2>Emotional Intelligence</h2>

<ol>
	<li>of one's emotions</li>
	<li>control, particularly for strong emotions</li>
	<li>for uncertainty, the ability to 'wait and see'</li>
	<li>perseverance, in the case of setback or rejection.</li>
</ol>

<h2>Positive relationships</h2>

<ol>
	<li>relationships</li>
	<li>to approach others</li>
	<li>skills</li>
	<li>to cooperate with others.</li>
</ol>

<h2>Physical wellbeing</h2>

<ol>
	<li>eat sensibly and follow the guidelines</li>
	<li>get enough quality sleep</li>
	<li>exercise.</li>
</ol>

<h2>Self-management</h2>

<ol>
	<li>proactive attitude</li>
</ol>

<ol>
	<li>management skills</li>
	<li>ability to set personal goals.</li>
</ol>

If you want to build resilience it helps to understand that you almost certainly already have much of what you need. What's more, you may find that you are naturally more resilient in some areas than others. Start by identifying your strengths, and then working to strengthen the areas where you feel less able or confident.

Having identified the areas you can work on to build your resilience, focus on one at a time. We have provided exercises to help you understand and foster each of them.

<h4>Learning Guidelines</h4>

We recommend that, as soon as you’ve understood what resilience is about, and got the gist of the exercises, you begin to train yourself by trying out some of the ideas. To help you, here are some simple learning guidelines:

<h4>Make it regular</h4>

Practice the habits daily so that you start gradually to build them into your way of thinking and behaving. Resilience is a set of personal qualities; it is not something you DO, as much as something you ARE. You’ll become more resilient by doing the exercises over time. The more you remember to practice the easier it will be to adopt what are called the ‘habits of resilience’.                

<h4>Repetition</h4>

Keep at it, daily. It’s no good simply ‘intending’ to think and act like this.  Should you neglect these ideas for several days and then attempt to catch up suddenly when you are having a bad day, it is you'll find that your progress towards becoming more resilient will be slower.

The habits of resilience will shape how you respond and react as you go about your daily life. 'Little and often' is the message here. Be steady and reliable and you’ll train yourself into the habits of resilience.

3. The Building Blocks of Resilience Part 1 (9:16)

Quiz 2

4. The Building Blocks of Resilience Part 2 (7:42)

The Building Blocks of Resilience Tips

The Building Blocks of Resilience

<h1>How to foster self-awareness</h1>

Self-awareness is a cornerstone of wellbeing and an aid to developing personal resilience. It is also one of the key skills in emotional intelligence, the ability to recognise and respond to one's emotions, and those of others.

Being self-aware means that you can look at yourself objectively, which means being honest with yourself about how you really are. As far as possible you strive to understand your motivations and the likely consequences of your actions. It also means that you are able to consider the likely impact of your behaviour on others. This may be difficult at first, but use it with the other points here and you'll develop an invaluable habit.

One way to aid self-awareness is to keep a reflective journal. Make a daily note of your reflections on events and how you responded to them (or reacted, see below).

<h2>Respond or react?</h2>

A reaction is instant. It’s often an unthinking automatic emotional response driven by the unconscious mind. It doesn’t take into consideration long-term effects of what you do or say. A reaction is survival-oriented and on some level a defence mechanism. It might turn out well, but often a reaction is something you regret late

A response, on the other hand, generally considered. It uses two kinds of intelligence – emotional and intellectual. It considers the impact of your response on others as well as yourself, and the longer-term implications of 'what's best'.

<h2>Reflect and consider</h2>

Being reflective means that you are able to think about what you are doing as you do it, and also that you are prepared to review recent events and learn from them. In particular, this means understanding your responses to situations, and asking yourself if you can learn from them, act differently in future, etc.

Adopt a learning mindset. Be open-minded about your own development and prepared to understand yourself better in order to foster your personal growth.

Ask for feedback. This means asking friends or colleagues you trust about how they perceive you at work. You might also use your workplace appraisal and feedback system, if there is one

The section includes a video and an activity to help enhance your self-awareness, and a reflective exercise with ideas to help develop greater self-awareness.

<h3> </h3>

Self-Awareness and Self-Control (4:15)

<h1>The Benefits of Optimism</h1>

This activity will help you take control of your thinking so that you can benefit from the strengths which optimism can bring.

There are compelling reasons to consider optimism as a key factor in resilience and wellbeing. They go far beyond the usual glib ‘glass half full’ ideas or the entreaties of the positive thinking movement. There are now thousands of studies that attest to the value of optimism at all stages of our lives. From childhood to old age an optimistic outlook confers all sorts of advantages. 

Optimistic people tend to be happier, enjoy life more, and see opportunities that others might miss. If you have an optimistic outlook, you typically receive more social support, deal with stress better, and are less prone to depression. Optimism is a key factor in resilience, and research indicates that optimism is linked to persistence in pursuing goals and overcoming adversity.

In short, optimists operate from the hope of success, rather than from fear of failure. Like any training, re-training your mind in this way takes a little effort and persistence. Stick at it and progress will follow. This download tells you how to harness the benefits of an optimistic outlook.

Activity: Think Like an Optimist

<h1>Celebrate your successes</h1>

Successes are all around us but if you don't believe that you won't see them.

In any situation there is usually something that is not right, could be better,,, There's always a downside. But 'side' is the operative word, and there's another side to every story.

<h4>Look out for them</h4>

If you look for what's right, what's working, how things are improving, or whatever, you'll find those too. It's uplifting to shift your thinking like that. It's also satisfying, helpful, and tends to be constructive and produce forward movement.

Successes are happening all the time, you just have to look for them. I know that some people react against this, because it challenges their world view and they are uncomfortable with it.

Recognising successes is a choice about your outlook. Make a habit of it and you'll feel better, more in control, less stressed... This way of thinking has many other benefits, and it also contributes to resilience.

Try it, you'll see. Here's an exercise to start you off.

Activity: Celebrate Your Success

Resilience Infographic

Self-Awareness and Self-Control

Resilience – A way not a solution

The 'way' in the title of this lesson refers to the idea that resilience is a way of being, rather than a bullet-pointed list of things to do. While behaviour is important, it is by no means the only contributor to a good level of resilience.

Personal resilience is underpinned by your attitudes and habits. Developing and maintaining resilience requires some changes to behaviour, but more importantly, it relies on a shift in one's outlook and attitude.

We are all resilient to some degree, and it fluctuates; we are more or less resilient depending on circumstance, state of health, demand and a range of other variables. The skills of resilience are learnable, but it’s not like learning to swim or to ride a bike (once learned never forgotten); it’s more like learning to keep yourself on an even keel (with constant turns at the helm and trimming of sails).

To continue the metaphor, if you have to cross a stretch of treacherous water, and you had a sailing boat but only limited experience on water, which would be the more useful question: “How do I get to the other side?” or, “How do I sail this boat?” Rather than the question “How can I get to a point where I’m more resilient?”, a better one would be “What steps should I take to develop my resilience?”. 

This lesson explains more, and it covers suggestions for developing greater flexibility of outlook.

5. A Way Not a Solution (8:58)

A Way Not a Solution

<h1>The Seven Habits of  Highly Resilient People</h1>

While some resilient people are admired for their stand-out qualities, many more are much quieter about their ability to manage the trials and challenges that life throws in the path.

Whichever group you choose to belong to, by following the examples in this lesson, you can. If you are having a stressful day or facing a longer-term challenge, there is a lot you can do to help yourself. You can learn from the Seven Habits of Highly Resilient People.

For them, these ways of thinking and responding are automatic, (that's why they are habits). Even if you haven't reached that point yet you can use these tactics to get you through a difficult situation. You'll prevent the stress from getting to you, master your responses, and act strategically by setting goals and moving towards them.

<h4>Find something you can control (even if it’s small)</h4>

Taking control of something helps counter a sense of helplessness when things threaten to overwhelm us. Break the situation or problem down and tackle one bit at a time. 

<h4>Do a reality check</h4>

Check your thinking for accuracy. We make hasty and irrational judgements. These are usually scary and make any situation seem worse than it is.

<h4>Adopt a learning attitude</h4>

Resilient people learn from successes, from other people, from life itself. And they learn from their failures. Also, seeing failure from a learning perspective takes some of the sting out of it.

<h4>Ask others to help</h4>

Resilient people feel that they are connected with, supported, and understood by others. They know that they sometimes have to reach out and ask.

<h4>"It is what it is"</h4>

When you accept the circumstances as they are it allows you to direct your energy towards goals and solutions. Refusing to accept is simply fighting with reality, it's tiring and you won't win.

<h4>Stay connected</h4>

Hone your social skills. The quality of relationships, both professional and personal, is an important factor in developing and maintaining a resilient outlook.

<h4>Distract yourself</h4>

Doing things you enjoy, and focussing on your successes can be affirming and will bolster your energies. Don't wait until you have time; resilient people make the time for what they enjoy.

6. The Seven Habits of Highly Resilient People (9:50)

The Seven Habits of Highly Resilient People

<h1>Resilience – Five Ideas for added 'Bounce'</h1>

Becoming more resilient means a change of mindset. The guidelines contained in the lessons in this course will help you do that.

Resilience is as much about how you think, as it is about how you act. Learning the behaviours is a starting point, but since thinking is what shapes our behaviour, your attitude and outlook are what will help you stay at the top of your game and develop a lifestyle which fosters resilience effortlessly.

This lesson contains five simple practices to support a shift in awareness and to promote positive change towards your new resilient persona. 

There are also resources below to describe to of the activities, journalling and making a vision-board.

7. Five Ideas for Added Bounce (9:18)

Five Ideas for Added Bounce

<h1>Five things to avoid</h1>

We all tend towards self-limiting thinking and habits, things that are best avoided.

<h4>Avoid joining the Scaremongers</h4>

Remember the saying ‘Misery loves company’. Nothing like a bit of group commiseration on how bad things are to really bring you down. Stay out of it, or pay the price.

<h4>Avoid joining the Doom and Gloom Club</h4>

When others start up about how bad things are, people naturally tend to get into gossip and mutual commiseration. Acknowledge and move on. Avoid joining in.

<h4>Avoid Ostrich behaviour</h4>

Burying your head in the sand might make things go away, but it won’t increase your sense of purpose or empowerment. You may have things you should be doing, like planning how to save money, talking to your bank manager, re-structuring part of your life or looking for new ways to prosper. Remember, Plan, Review and Learn.

<h4>Avoid dramatising</h4>

People love to talk-up bad news, but catastrophising is scary and it is one of the contributory patterns of thought that lead right into depression. Always seek to balance bad news with an objective view.

<h4>Avoid bad news </h4>

We are surrounded by bad news. As well as the naysayers, there are the media, Newspapers and TV are particularly good at feeding us negativity big-time. And are the soaps! There is nothing like an hour or two a day of authentic-sounding drama and arguments to set you up for a troubled night's sleep. 

Surround yourself with positive ideas and influences. Look for things that please and inspire you.

8. Five Things to Avoid (3:22)

Quiz 3

Five Things to Avoid

<h1>Resilience starts here</h1>

This is the final lesson in the course.

We recommend that, as soon as you’ve understood what resilience is about, and got the gist of these exercises, you begin to train yourself by trying out some of the ideas. To help you, here are some simple guidelines:

<h4>Make it regular</h4>

Practice the habits daily so that you start gradually to build them into your way of thinking and behaving. Resilience is a set of personal qualities; it is not something you DO, as much as something you ARE. You’ll become more resilient by doing the exercises over time. The more you remember to practice the easier it will be to adopt what are called the ‘habits of resilience’.

<h4>Repetition                </h4>

Keep at it, daily. It’s no good simply ‘intending’ to think and act like this.  Should you neglect these ideas for several days and then attempt to catch up suddenly when you are having a bad day, it is you'll find that your progress towards becoming more resilient will be slower.

The habits of resilience will shape how you respond and react as you go about your daily life. 'Little and often' is the message here. Be steady and reliable and you’ll train yourself into the habits of resilience.

<h4>Closing comment</h4>

The characteristics which help build and maintain resilience are things which are common. They relate to how you think, feel and behave as you go about your daily life. Some of them you possess or can do already, and others can be easily learned. Either way, they are within reach, once you decide that you are serious about learning to be more resilient.

Becoming more resilient requires putting the building blocks into practice. Do this consistently to develop the characteristics in yourself. You’ll soon notice the positive changes, and you’ll be moving towards your new habits of resilience.

9. Resilience: It Starts Here (6:48)

Resilience: It Starts Here

<h1>Introduction to stress management</h1>

This is a bonus lesson. It covers basic stress awareness and a couple of related activities.

Most of us function pretty well under pressure where we feel that we have some degree of control over events or that we can determine our response to the demands made upon us. However, when we feel that those demands or expectations exceed our ability to deliver that which is being asked of us, we start to become stressed. ‘Stress’ is perfectly natural and necessary. It is a generalised term for what is simply the body's reaction to extra demands being made on it. It is harmful when these demands become excessive or constant, but life without a little of it can be as damaging as life with too much. 

Cognitive neuroscientist Michael Gazzaniga coined the terms controllable and uncontrollable stress to explain how stressful events can have a positive or a negative impact on us depending on how we perceive them. The crucial point here is that the more we feel in control the less likely stress is to affect us badly. 

<h4>A definition of stress: </h4>

“The reaction people have to excessive pressure or other demands placed upon them. Stress arises when people feel they cannot cope.” 

<h4>Stress: factors of influence </h4>

Each one of us is an individual with our own unique make-up, set of life circumstances and innate resources, skills and ‘quirks’. Each one of us will therefore respond in our own individual way to the stressors we experience in our lives. For this reason, although psychologists talk about ‘stressful events’, we should more accurately talk about how stressful an individual finds a given event or set of circumstances to be. No two people experience a given event the same way. 

The matrix of contributory factors is made up of influences under four main headings: 

Environment: Noise, physical comfort, distractions and demands, social conditions and expectations etc. 

Personal: The psychological and physiological makeup of the individual including their thinking styles. 

Family/social: Demands and expectations of others and our own view of the role we play (for example breadwinner, family supporter, best friend etc.). 

Job: The nature of the job and our relationships with others at work, how we perceive the organisation’s attitude towards us etc. 

<h4>Resources</h4>

This lesson includes a short video explaining stress and its management, and  there  are two tried and tested activities to help you become more stress aware and so manage stress generally.

10. Bonus Lesson: Stress Reduction

Bonus Lesson

<h1>Congratulations!</h1>

Congratulations on completing the course. I value your feedback and relevant comments so I'd be grateful if you could take a few minutes to complete the brief course evaluation below.

Rating your experience of the course provides feedback on its value, and also any suggestions you may have to improve it. 

I know, from my own experience, how easy it is to skip this bit, and that even with the sincere intention of returning to complete it later, it can easily be forgotten.

For that reason, I ask you do do it now. It takes a few minutes and, even though I can't thank you personally, rest assured I'll be truly grateful. 

Many thanks,

Barry Winbolt.

 

<h3><a href="https://forms.gle/G7k1qJsLu45WV1nc9">Please leave your feedback here</a></h3>

Course Evaluation: Feedback

<h2>Suggested Reading: Resilience </h2>

Here are some titles relating to the topic of this course. Students often ask for suggestions, and I usually list books I have actually read, so I'll start with those. Some of the titles are about topics which support resilience, like Mindfulness, for example.

 

Happy reading!

Personal Resilience: Small Steps to Big Change

What you'll learn

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