Cindy-Lee Pike

Robin Lackey

This short course is designed to help you master your conflict management and negotiation skills.

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<h2>Welcome to Mastering Conflict Management and Negotiation Skills</h2>

 

By the end of this module you will be able to:

<ul>
	<li>Understand the skills required for successful negotiations.</li>
	<li>Learn how to deal with conflict.</li>
	<li>Identify your ‘hot buttons’.</li>
	<li>Learn to control your emotions.</li>
	<li>Explore how to counter manipulation and psychological pressure.</li>
	<li>Evaluate the different persuasion techniques.</li>
	<li>Improve your listening skills.</li>
	<li>Learn how to read body language.</li>
	<li>Explore your communication skills.</li>
	<li>Develop your questioning skills.</li>
</ul>
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Learning Outcomes

Throughout this course you have learned about the negotiation process, the use of integrative negotiations over distributive bargaining, building trust and relationships. There are a number of skills that you need to manage as an effective negotiator, including showing empathy, being self-aware, monitoring the emotional cues of other parties, and managing your emotions – all elements of emotional intelligence (EQ).

 

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627292218/1627292278-1-listening.png" style="height:465px;width:600px;" alt="1627292278-1-listening.png" />

Introduction

Francois de Callières, special envoy of King Louis XI, 1716:

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627292410/1627292470-2-quote-01-01.png" style="height:257px;width:800px;" alt="1627292470-2-quote-01-01.png" />

Howard Baker, American politician and diplomat, said:

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627294701/1627294761-3-quote-2-01.png" style="height:151px;width:800px;" alt="1627294761-3-quote-2-01.png" />

As a leader and manager of an exponential organisation, negotiation is one of the most important soft skills you will need at work. Negotiation skills come naturally to some people, and for the rest, it can be learnt. One way to do that is to enact a growth mindset and develop some important skills that can make you a more effective negotiator. 

While the basics of negotiation skills related to effective communication, confidence, or the ability to read others, this might not be the same for all roles. For example, for a buyer in high-level negotiations, they might need to know and be able to walk away, but for an HR manager, they will need to work on emotional intelligence and people skills.

Skills for Successful Negotiation

Negotiation Skills

You have already learnt about the 5 conflict modes in this manual. Let’s take the time now to identify your conflict mode using the following Thomas Kilmann Questionnaire and the Conflict Management Style Assessment.

 

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627295293/1627295354-4-conflict-management-styles.png" style="height:573px;width:800px;" alt="1627295354-4-conflict-management-styles.png" />

 

The reality is that we’ve all most probably used all these conflict-handling styles at one time or another. The objective of this questionnaire was simply to see whether there was a style that you tend to use more often than the others. 

Everyone has a natural conflict-handling style. This is linked to everyone’s personality type, belief systems, past experiences, values and motivations. Each style is built on the level of value placed on achieving your own or other people’s needs and is influenced by the importance of the relationship. The five most widely used styles include that of Shark, Tortoise, Teddy Bear, Fox and Owl.

There is no ideal conflict-handling style. Each style is useful in a specific context and has certain consequences in the short and long term. To effectively manage conflict, you need to be flexible enough to use a variety of conflict-handling styles and select a style which is appropriate to the specific conflict situation. This flexibility and behavioural variety are possible when you understand your conflict handling style honestly and skilfully practice using different styles in different circumstances. The column with the highest total will indicate which type of conflict handling strategy you currently use most often. The assessment above highlights the five typical conflict management styles or modes: competing, compromising, avoiding, accommodating and collaborating.

 

For some videos on understanding your conflict mode, watch here:

Click to learn more about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFIydyH2H8Y" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument</a>

 

Click to learn more about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFf88IVl_Wc" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Managing Conflict - Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument</a>

 

Now that you have greater insight into your innate conflict mode, we can look how you can manage your emotions accordingly in negotiations and avoid conflict.

Dealing with Conflict

Identify Your Conflict Mode

Conflict Management Style

Need some help identifying your hot buttons? 

Click to complete these quizzes to <a href="https://drkathyobear.com/hotbuttonquiz/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Identify Your Common Hot Buttons</a>

 

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Many times our hot buttons are linked to things we are ashamed of and that we try to deny. Our hot buttons may change as we age or may also depend on where we are in our life. 

Often, combative aggressive negotiators will work to trigger emotional responses in the other party, thinking that then they will have the upper hand when the other party is in a vulnerable position. But if we know what our hot buttons are, we can prepare for them and maybe work to control our reactions to these triggers.
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Identifying ‘Hot Buttons’

Controlling Your Emotions

Be careful of not confusing the use of the “crunch” tactic with real emotion. This tactic is used to react to a proposal without offering anything in return, such as rolling eyes or laughter, in the hopes that you will counter your own offer. You need to manage an emotional response to this and never concede to counter-offer. Therefore you need to use your EQ skills to discriminate between real emotions and negotiation tactics.

 

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627296312/1627296372-5-key-tips-to-managing-your-emotions-include.png" style="height:524px;width:600px;" alt="1627296372-5-key-tips-to-managing-your-emotions-include.png" />

 

Since anger is an emotion, it is necessary to deal with the feelings as well as the situation. Use the HEAT technique to manage anger.

 

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627296339/1627296400-6-heat.png" style="height:268px;width:600px;" alt="1627296400-6-heat.png" />

 

Emotional control is essential in any important negotiation process. Emotional control begins by understanding our strengths and weaknesses, then building on those strengths while minimising weaknesses.

The benefit of emotional control through self-understanding is the ability to maintain the emotional distance necessary to be effective. Emotional control may necessitate an emotional distance to neutralise the situation and avoid further conflict.

A time-out is one of the most important tools you can use to help you maintain a certain level of self-control, and you should know the signs of when this becomes necessary. This is true in monitoring our own emotions and responses to hot buttons, as well as reading the body language or tone of other parties to recognise when they may need one. 

You will also need to be cognisant of different personalities and make allowances for this. You should recognise the traits of passive-aggressive or bullying behaviour, and then implement tactics to neutralise the negative impact of that personality on the negotiation process.

You need to draw these people into problem-solving opportunities, and if this person remains dominant, ask other stakeholders to present what they think of the dominator’s ideas or suggestions. This allows them to be included and still feel empowered without necessarily dominating the meeting.

Keep the negotiation process on track and avoid off-topic discussions which might lead to emotional topics or discussions.

We have all heard about negotiations that have gone wrong. People are getting angry, throwing things around and storming out. It may even lead to a company-wide strike! So let’s give you some tips to avoid this happening to you and give you some tips to stay calm and ways to overcome negotiation tactics. 

 

These include: 

<ul>
	<li>Stay focused on the most essential objectives. </li>
	<li>Don’t fight over things that don’t matter.</li>
	<li>Build an empathetic understanding of others’ points of view.</li>
	<li>Keep your friends close &amp; your enemies closer.</li>
	<li>Use humour to diffuse difficult situations.</li>
</ul>

Other important tips are discussed in greater detail below. 

 

Click to learn more about <a href="https://www.negotiationtraining.com.au/articles/aggressive-negotiator-tactics/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How to Neutralise Aggressive Negotiators Tactics</a>

Countering Manipulation and Psychological Pressure

Negotiation Tips

Negotiation Tactics

Want to know how to persuade others effectively? This video on the science of persuasion will be a real eye-opener:

 

Click to learn more about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFdCzN7RYbw" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Science of Persuasion</a>

 

This lists the 6 universal principles of persuasion as:

 

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627297198/1627297258-7-universal-principles-of-persuasion.png" style="height:596px;width:800px;" alt="1627297258-7-universal-principles-of-persuasion.png" />

 

In negotiations, we need to persuade the other party in many ways. We have to persuade them that the negotiation is worthwhile; we need to persuade them to agree to our point of view or persuade them not to walk away. 

What is also important to recognise is that relationships often play a central role in your ability to persuade another, because it is based on respect and trust. If you enter the negotiation meeting seeing the other party as someone to be persuaded, and not someone to PUSH, then you will be more effective as a negotiator.  

 

When agreement has finally been reached, do not gloat over your victories nor brood over your defeats:

<ul>
	<li>Continue to work cooperatively with the other party to build trust and manage the relationship.</li>
	<li>Remain responsive to the timely identification of problems and negotiation of solutions.</li>
	<li>Keep sight of the goal: to secure commitment. Signing the agreement is just a symbol of that commitment.</li>
</ul>

 

Click to learn more about <a href="https://neilpatel.com/blog/negotiator/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How to Become a Powerful Negotiator Overnight</a>

 

Now that you have worked collaboratively with the other party in a principled negotiation and have managed to find opportunities of mutual gain, you have overcome, you are ready to close the deal.

Persuasion Techniques

If I asked you what the most important negotiation skill was, you’d probably answer “communication skills”. But communication skills encompass a wide range of elements. These elements include: 

<ul>
	<li>The ability to listen, without interrupting, to the message being delivered.</li>
	<li>Discussing a concept in an open manner that allows both sides to hear and understand the message and appropriately constructively respond to that message.</li>
	<li>Assuring that discussion points are presented clearly so that the issue is accurately understood.</li>
	<li>Understanding that communication is not limited to what we can hear. It also includes body language - messages or responses sent through facial expressions, eyes and body. Correctly interpreting body language is challenging, yet necessary to accurately understand the message delivered by the sender.</li>
</ul>

 

Active listening in a negotiation follows the following process.

 

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627303709/1627303770-8-cycles.png" style="height:473px;width:700px;" alt="1627303770-8-cycles.png" />

Listening Skills

Active Listening Strategies

Active listening in a negotiation is so important, that no matter what style or approach or tactics you use if you don’t listen effectively you will not be successful. Ilana Zohar (2015) in her paper “The art of negotiation” states that:

 

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627306428/1627306489-9quote-ilona-zohar.png" style="height:101px;width:800px;" alt="1627306489-9quote-ilona-zohar.png" />

 

Successful negotiation requires patience and listening patiently for important information to emerge. Therefore, you need to not just hear but listen (Varma, 2015).

 

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627306450/1627306511-11-hearing-and-listening.png" style="height:244px;width:600px;" alt="1627306511-11-hearing-and-listening.png" />

Follow these 4 steps (Zohar, 2015) to improving your listening skills.

 

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627306630/1627306690-11-listening-skills-grapic-table-02-1.png" style="height:285px;width:800px;" alt="1627306690-11-listening-skills-grapic-table-02-1.png" />

Improving your Listening Skills

Barriers to Active Listening

Body language is an expression of feelings that are communicated through the eyes, facial expressions, the position of the head, arms, legs, as well as our body position/posture. Not sure how well you currently read body language, try these online quizzes:

 

Click to complete quize to <a href="https://testyourself.psychtests.com/testid/3764" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Test Your Body Language</a>

Click to complete quize of <a href="https://www.scienceofpeople.com/quiz/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Body Language</a> 

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Arora (2017) illustrates the importance of body language:

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627307175/1627307235-12-when-people-speak-to-us.png" style="height:374px;width:700px;" alt="1627307235-12-when-people-speak-to-us.png" />

 

As you can see, body language plays a vital role in how we communicate, and we derive 55% of our meaning from reading and interpreting the other party’s body language. Communication is more than just the words we speak, instead, the majority of our communication and meaning (83%) is based on how we say it.

We need to also be aware that our words and our body language might send mixed messages and even without words, we are sending messages to others all the time.

In fact, signals sent to other people within the first seven seconds of meeting them often reveal our hidden agenda. In the same way, the first two or three minutes of negotiating sets the tone and gives clues about who the negotiator is and how they are approaching the discussion.

 

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627307198/1627307258-13-be-conscious-of-your-own-body-language-during-negotiations-1.png" style="height:786px;width:700px;" alt="1627307258-13-be-conscious-of-your-own-body-language-during-negotiations-1.png" />

 

Click to learn more about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvxJoUuG018" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Reading Body Language</a>

Click to learn more about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jwUXV4QaTw" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Body Language by an FBI Agent</a>

Click to learn more about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_v36Vt9GmH8" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"> Body Language: The Key to Your Subconscious</a>
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Reading Body Language

As we have learnt, the way you communicate has a major impact on how we negotiate. If you go back to the previous image on how we communicate, we can see that 38% of meaning is based on tone and inflexion. Just as body language can signify your meaning, the tone of your voice can also indicate the real meaning of your words. 

 

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627307604/1627307665-14-the-following-tips-are-key-to-improving-our-pitch-and-tone.png" alt="1627307665-14-the-following-tips-are-key-to-improving-our-pitch-and-tone.png" />

 

Click to learn more about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIho2S0ZahI" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How to speak so that people will listen</a>

Click to learn more about <a href="https://www.medicaldaily.com/state-mind-tone-voice-art-negotiation-390993" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Art of Negotiation: Tone of Voice</a>

Communication Skills

<img src="https://s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/s3.go1.service/omni-hr.mygo1.com/apiom/5934562/1627307705/1627307765-15-information-01-2.png" style="height:727px;width:700px;" alt="1627307765-15-information-01-2.png" />

 

Click to learn more about <a href="https://www.businessknowhow.com/marketing/negotiationqs.htm" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"> 7 Must-Ask Questions in Any Negotiation</a>

Click to learn more about <a href="https://www.negotiations.com/articles/negotiation-questions/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Best Types of Questions to ask in Your Negotiations</a>

Click to learn more about <a href="https://peterstark.com/skillful-questioning-negotiation/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Using Skillful Questioning in Negotiations </a>

Questioning Techniques

Resource Guide

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<h3>Congratulations on completing this course!</h3>

 

Reflect on what you have learned in this module and consider how you can actively utilise it in your role as manager.
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Mastering Conflict and Negotiation Skills

What you'll learn

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